Rainy days and bad news always get me down

It's a VERY rainy day here today.  I didn't even mind it when I had to take my daughter to the bus stop, or the slower traffic in to work, or getting the bottoms of my pant legs all wet to walk from the car to the office.  I don't even mind being at work, since it's not a very nice day to running around. 

But then I heard from my WW friend that our meetings won't be starting this coming Monday - since this will be an At-Work meeting, they need at least 15 people to run them.  Right now they only have 8!  So they've pushed it back a week to try to get more people - and if they don't, then no meeting at all! 

Now I'm down.  I have to get back to being healthy and I CANNOT put off my health for another week.  My friend and I have pledged to each other to have our own meeting on Monday over lunchtime, and we will begin the process, real WW meeting or not. 

It HAS to be up to ME!  I can't put my life in the hands of 15 that may or may not even exist.  It's time to take control.  Can I do it?

The power of the mind

A friend and I have made plans to rejoin Weight Watchers through our workplace, and the meetings don't begin until October 4th.  We decided last week to join up again through work.  Both of us had joined about 3 years ago - we both did well, but she didn't keep up with it as much as I have.  We know it's the best thing for both of us to actually attend meetings and have someone checking up on us.

So, with 2 weeks until the meetings begin, my brain somehow flipped a switch into "party mode" and I've been eating everything in sight.  And just plain binging.  I mean, Cheerios are NOT that good - there is certainly no need to eat 2 heaping bowls for an evening snack.

Why can't my mind be "normal" about food?  What makes me think that it's a good idea to just eat with no purpose right before I'm going to start my meetings?  And why do I even think that I'm "starting" something, when I've really been working on this already for 3 years?

I really hope to find out these answers soon.  I can't keep going on through life like this. 

My first post

Hello, blogworld!  Nice to meet you.

I've been following some blogs for the past few months - they're all very inspiring.  In the past few weeks I've decided that I need to get on with my life and my goals, and I'm thinking that blogging just might help me with that. 

Here's a little bit of my story:

I just turned 40 years old in August.  Most people can't believe that I'm 40 - in fact, a friend of a friend recently commented that she was so much older than me, so I asked her age and she said that she was 31 - that's probably a stretch, but nice nonetheless.

I'm married and have a 5-year-old daughter.  My hubby and I both work full-time, daughter is in kindergarten, and hubby also is earning his degree online.  Between all of that, dance classes, a big family, many friends, and the regular everyday things, life is pretty busy.

So what's to complain about?  I'm just generally not happy - with MYSELF.  I love my family and friends, and the job is OK.  I'm just tired of being fat.  I've come a long way on this mission.  At my heaviest, about 11 years ago, I was up to about 275 pounds.  A friends and I joined Weight Watchers and we both did well - I lost almost 80 pounds.  Then I met the love of my life and I got comfortable...then got married...then had a baby...and there I was at 250 pounds again.

I became so unhappy - even with a great husband and new little baby girl.  I thought I was going to have to go into therapy.  But then I decided that all of my issues had to do with my weight.  I couldn't play with my daughter.  I remember sitting on the back porch just watching her run around by herself - I just didn't want to get off of my fat ass.

I rejoined Weight Watchers, this time through work.  A friend joined me for most of the journey and we did well - then she kind of fell off the wagon and I tried to go it alone.  In about two years, I lost about 75 pounds, getting to my lowest adult weight ever.  Then I turned 40.  I was so happy.  I died my hair blonde, got some new clothes, had a party.  I received SO MANY compliments about how great I looked.  And then...COMFORT.  "Oh, I look so good, maybe I'll have that hamburger."  "Oh, it's my birthday, let me eat 5 cupcakes." 

"Oh, hello 10 pounds.  So nice to see you again."

Now I have to make some REAL changes.  Get back to it.  Finish this journey.  Be normal.

This is the start of normal.